I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
