i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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