i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
