i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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