This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
