If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As shirtless as possible
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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