I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
