new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
