When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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