You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
