The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
