just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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