I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
