I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
