Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
