I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
