After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
