We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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