I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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