umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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