Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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