How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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