Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
