Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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