Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize