Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There r osticjed everywhere
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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