she woke up with a sticky ear
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
