I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need water and some morals
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