Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
