Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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