Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
