I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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