I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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