Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize