i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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