it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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