I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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