He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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