i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize