I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
