i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
