And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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