Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
