Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize