I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
