Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
