I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
