Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
