I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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