If i come over, it means nothing
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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