I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
