just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we should paint friendship bongs
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