is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
