My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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