Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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