Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
