so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
