I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
