You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
