im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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