No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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