come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
