I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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