I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
