I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
