Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
