I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
