Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
