I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
