I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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